Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
