If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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