Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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