whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Everyone says I win the strip club
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
