Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
