1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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