he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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