Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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