a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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