they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
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He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
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if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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