a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
