matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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