I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
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