I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
