god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
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