u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
