I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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