after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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