Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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