Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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