im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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