I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
