I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
