How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
