I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
