His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
