Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
send nudes
from the living room?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
