I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
