so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
