Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
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I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
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No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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