God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
