yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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