I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
