I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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