We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
