She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
