I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
