JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
