i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
