I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
