Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
