Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
