im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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