Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
