Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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