i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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