They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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