so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
