Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Is Oprah even human
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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