We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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