he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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