I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
