Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
