Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
