the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
