I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
