Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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