it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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