then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
