you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
