By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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