Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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