We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
