I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
How external is "for external use only"?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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