good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
