i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
