I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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