drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
