the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
