I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
