In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
