Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
