I look better un-naked...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
