shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
