I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
